1.3.03
look at this silly cat animation i found...it looks so naughty..haha...
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haix. dunno y i teared again. honestly, i didnt feel that much when i typed the previous entry yesterday..but yash made me cry too. haix...i dunno la. nonsensical stuff. always crying and crying - wadehell..dunno wadz wrong with myself. really, yash, ystday i didnt feel so much...it's not ur fault....
woke up freaking late today..had 12 whole hours of sleep...and i feel worse, having too much sleep compared to too little sleep. and i think i dont feel very well...fallin sick mebbe..hope i dont though. and er, jiayi...sorry abt ystday....i was at my grandma's place and was reading magazines outside....so didnt realise you came online...ya...but by the time i came back you went off already. waited for you actually..but..er, i had to go home la. ya...came home, wanted to come online...but was too tired. so i slept. felt damn horrible when i realised that i could have talked to you but you left. okay..argh...nvm. wadever. i miss you ppl...
sis coming home today. at last. the house wont be that empty now. still dont know how to do freaking a maths. i realli hate it when that happens.
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freaking bored. and just realised ten mins ago that nobody was left in the house. =| thought my maid was still around..but apparently, she left for grandparents' place and was shouting to tell me but jay chou's "long quan" was blasting on the comp and i refused to answer. haha. so there, im alone. just sang this chinese duet..i mean, it's quite dumb la, it's a duet but i sing it by myself...erbx...sounds ridiculous.but it's a lovely lovely song..it's not new...but i kinda didn't appreciate it last time..but now i realli do. it's beautiful. and i love singing. realli. singing makes me happy. haix. just now while i was realli realli realli bored and had nothing to do, i read someone's blog and it sparked me off thinking...and of cos, i thought of only one person - you should know who you are. and it not only sparked me off to think, it sparked me off to type this. er...the thing is, everytime you're not around, mymind just drifts away...and it's quite unbearable esp during the weekends and i'd die for monday so that i could go to school. this is damn pathetic but it's the truth - something that i hid in my heart since ages ago. something that i felt, but didn't think i would actually say it. mebbe i would delete this post soon. i feel like a bitch. im realli thankful that the IP21 thing is over..because everytime i had to leave for it at 1150, it's so damn difficult? cos i know that after i leave, i cant see you, and i don't just want to see you, i want to sit with you and talk and all that....parting is such sweet sorrow...argh..this is real disgusting. ya, but it's the truth. the horrible truth. im realli realli ashamed of myself, what i do and what i think. what i am, not who i am. but somehow i feel that i dun haf the kinda luck some other person has...ahhhh!!! im going crazy!!! i tried to be magnanimous, i realli did, but my emotions still had the better of me. im selfish. yes i am. realli realli selfish. feel like slapping myself for that. but.....you realli matter la. you do, in fact too much. shitx. it's wrong of me to say all these...and wrong of me to put it all here and to let so many ppl see this, but i see nowhere else i can do it. oh man, im sucha fuckin bitch. i mean i cant spell it all straight into your face..i dont want you to feel awkward...and i feel its totally pathetic, i dont mean you, i feel that im totally pathetic. get me outta this mess~
yash, called you just now to actually tell you some stuff...cos i was bored. yes. but sorry to disturb you actually. too much time on my hands makes my imagination run wild...and i start daydreaming....
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28.2.03
guides was quite okay today. the sec 1s were less irritating. and in fact, i think their footdrill is realli good - fancy mastering the turnings in one single session. yay! and we had kim's game today...was quite retarded but not too bad la..better than usual testwork. then marked their tests...realli fun marking..haha..can see all the silliest answers and some were realli realli fantastic...super mature thinking...i think if they write like that for lit, wow..impressive. and i feel like boxing that woman's face [wont reveal who im talking abt]...she's damn idiot. this msg is to that idiotic woman: if the sec 1s dont behave during the sessions that you're in charge of...you cant blame the commanders...our job is done lor...the sec 1s behave totally fine with us....they dun break the rules like they do during ur sessions...so wad you want to do? push the blame to us? blame it on yourselves for not being able to control them lor...mebbe ure just too act sweet and too lenient...cmon la...it's not entirely our fault. or mebbe it is totally not our fault. i dunno. get a life kiez....im not actually very pissed YET but aniwaez, you're realli the one with the problem here. so, i DON'T CARE. just f-off and stop ur nonsense.
haix. nothing to say liao. tonight going to my grandparents' place...hope i wont be bored without my sis...hope my cousins will all be there...so that i can laugh at them and laugh with them..haha...*sigh* guides still rox and it will rock even more without some ppl....
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today was an eventful day...juz came back from sch...from the innovative experience thingy...gosh..the sch keeps emphasizing that we're innovative...well, was realli tired repeating over and over again wad i had to say....but was quite surprised that my eng was quite fluent..hahah..and realli felt like itopia..realli...the whole atmosphere..and the way i talked...reminded me of itopia...just that itopia was llonnnggeerrr and more boring. was so thirsty after that...and me and tongwei took this really retarded digital photo...the woman [her name is chevon..think that's how its spelt] asked us to step realli near to her and as she stood on the table, she asked us to look up and she just took it like that. i think we'd seriously look really really HIDEOUS...i mean, close up shots are gross already..and looking up will only make it worse. wadehell. o ya, and there was this woman..damn funny....i was explaining to her that the cybercare thingy is voluntary and all that....and she was also talking to ms chua...then she was complimenting the project..and she said, "hmm...if u were my daughter, i would be so proud of you.." and i was like, ermmmm =|....okiez....was so weird...haha..didn't know how to react to it. haix..today couldn't watch r&j..how shitty..and they completed the whole movie??? argh!!! must find a chance to ask azlin to show it to us again...the sex scene was realli gross though~ they should have censored some parts...today the Os results were out...congrats to yashira..haha..you realli freaked out for NOTHING...ahha...and thank goodness managed to see philene in the end...didn't get a chance to leave the sch till after the thingy. hafnt heard from daphne yet..hope she did well! :D in a goodmood today....hafnt felt so nice after a long time...sis at camp...will be bored tonight without her to irritate me. hmmm...it is this same person whom is capable of both making me cry and feel happy...is that ironic or wad?
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27.2.03
im being ignored everywhere in the house...it's blardee idiotic. okay la, it was my fault for hogging the phone and my sis is irritated with me, fine. but even my mum is snapping at me...k...im in such a pathetic state...just had my bath and there was this sickening cockroach in the shower...and i was so freaked out and when i came out, it was still there with its feelers moving...wadehell...so scared and just wanted to share my experience with somebody, and nobody bothered to listen. asses. haix, y is it always like that...not onli am i feeling ignored now...but forgotten...by someone special. wad can i ever do to make u not forget me...to remember me? or to at least look at me and acknowledge my presence? maybe i am not the least important nor significant in ur life. ugh...irritating...i shd just go watch threshold of an era. tml still have to go entertain the stoopid foreigners...and deprive me of my chance to go check out the O level results....i want to go and see! badly! btw, ive realised the reason for my temperamental and emotional mood for the past few days...it's pms~
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26.2.03
We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.
- From the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" -
(starring Barbara Streisand)
Love is friendship set on fire.
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today finally managed to do maths hw...it's realli been a while since i've done hw...cos of the common tests...nothing else to say. take care ppl~
Some of us think holding on makes us strong;
But sometimes it is letting go.
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25.2.03
just said that i wouldn't cry, but i still did one minute later...
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stop it la, i realli hate you kiez...y do u always haf to do this? i dun wish to cry for you again...shit~
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2nd reason for my frustration: [actually there's another one, but, dun want the whole world to know] im tired of playing the guessing game. many questions of mine are unanswered - you're so unpredictable...one moment you're behaving this way and the other moment another. it's draining and hurting to keep guesing, to keep not knowing. there are so many possibilities, and where do i exactly place my hopes? am i being unappreciated here yet again or am i being ignored without my conscious realisation? argh. it's tough...open up a little pls...just a little...doesn't take that much effort does it? if i go on like this, i realli dunno wad the outcome will be like. wad the future holds, wad im going to do about it. am totally clueless and helpless...perhaps im just wasting my time. and wasting yours. wadehell. stop it la, you just don't know how it feels when one keeps falling deeper and deeper and yet there's not the slightest hint of how the other person feels. love's heralds should be thoughts.
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was feeling realli fucked up just now...but after a hot shower and music on my dearest winamp player, feeling much better. hmmz, but i realli haf my reasons for being pissed and frustrated this time, at least for today. okiez, first and foremost, the biggest thing that irritated me is the ace thingy. how shitty...ms chia called shraddha over when we were on our way out and she asked her for the names of the ppl and reasons of those who "were not in class during a maths lesson without informing the teacher"....wadefuckinghell...we were out for a good cause kiez? we were doing the ace booklet...and it's so called out of our own good will...we haf no benefits in doing this k. shouldnt the sch be appreciative of wad we're doing...and not reprimand us for being out of class or wadever? it was wrong of us for taking such a long time to get back..but mrs gek shouldnt haf kicked up such a huge fuss and i think the whole staffroom noes? and of cos ms chia is trying to get herself involved in this. wadehell. so....we're kinda the supposed "disobedient kids" who played "truant". how ridiculous. and we're doing the ace booklet -- wadz ace for? to inculcate a sense of goodness in the students? and you're telling us not to help tchrs and juz stay locked in the clsrm, not involved in anything...that's how you have a "nurturing environment" to groom us into "ladies and leaders of the future"? it's so super duper ironic. i hate to say this, but it realli sux. wad ms chia heard was the one sided story of mrs gek, who already had her share in reprimanding us in class...pls mann, mrs gek, even if u're going thru menopause [i seriously think you are], you gotta control ur emotions kiez? wadz the point of getting all of us into the hot soup and nothing gets resolves? and the thing is, the sch doesnt gain anything by doing this to us - the worst thing that can happen is that we all quit out of this project, and no one's going to ever do the ace booklet. fine with me~ one realli questions the value of helping others sometimes...here we are being kind hearted and doing ms seah a favour by doing the booklet, and wad do we get? nothing but trouble. get a life lor~
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24.2.03
common tests finally over..and i feel more shitty than ever. esp for phy. it's so idiotic - despite how much studying i put in ystday, im still unsure of half the paper...and half my answers. how stoopid~ ohmigod..just realised sth....this weds the O level results will be out!! hmmz...to daphne, yash, philene....good luck!!! :D hmmm...first time im coming home so late after sucha long time...feels realli relaxed..the thot of going home whenever i feel like it. for the past week have been rushing home like nobody's business to study for common tests...finally can get a breather. watched r&j today...was realli realli romantic....but quite gross la...some parts...obscene...but it's still a nice story. :) doro, take care, luv ya forever~
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Pls take time to read this, i realli agree with the last sentence.
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is
learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to
me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
May God Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might
be the world."
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23.2.03
accomplished in a day: 19 chaps of physics with 30 formulae altogether -- no wonder im feeling so drained and exhausted.
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